Coldness
by Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha
Summary: Sakura x Syaoran. It's just a simple one shot I did. It's all Syaoran POV. ^__^ Please R&R!


Title: Coldness  
Style: One Shot  
Author: Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha  
Author's Notes: My most recent Sakura x Syaoran one shot. Please read and review! Everything here is from Syaoran's POV.  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me. Meaning it's not mine. Meaning I do not have the right to say it is. Meaning if I blab on any more about this here you people'll never get to read my story.  
  
  
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Coldness.  
  
Coldness striking and stabbing at my body like sharp knives.  
  
Much like the feeling I have when I see her. What is it about her? That makes my knees weaken and my heart feel as if it's going to leap out of my chest... I've never felt this way. Not with anyone. Anyone, but her. She has... a certain quality. A quality that other girls just don't have.   
  
Snow. Drifting ever so slowly outside my window.   
  
Ice. Sending chilling feeling to my hands. Making them stiff.  
  
The stiffness I obtain when she's near. How is it that she can manage to do this to me? The way she looks at me with those bright, glistening emerald eyes. The way she smiles. A smile that makes the blood run to my face and my heart beat faster and faster. I want to face her. But, I can't. Not without making a fool of myself. I run from her. I now find myself sitting here. In an empty apartment. Alone. As it has always been. As it will always be.  
  
The snow is becoming heavier. Falling rapidly and landing into mounds upon the ground. The wind howls as it whirls about the snow, blowing them into different directions.  
  
Confusion is filling my head. Confusion of what to do. Do I live my life like this? Pretend these.. feelings never existed? Can I do that without breaking down one day because the thought of not being with her becomes too strong? Why must I suffer because I ... I...  
  
Love her....  
  
My thoughts become clouded when I try to speak to her. My voice mute. But she does have the right to know. Just because I don't know if she feels the same.. doesn't mean I shouldn't tell her. This won't effect her. It doesn't matter if I live the rest of my life in reject. Rejected by the one I truly love. I close my eyes, cold winds from the outside enters into my room from a small crack in the window. I see her face. Not only now, but twenty-four hours a day. Seven days a week. And I can't stop. I can't restrain myself from thinking about her. From loving her. My heart aches when I see her. When I think of the fact that I can't hold her in my arms. Only then and there, I feel that she is safe. That I can protect her from all harm.   
  
The midnight blue sky is clouded. Clouded with the snow.   
  
I never want to see her unhappy. I never want to see her hurt. Even if it means the sacrifice is myself. I'm willing to accept that. Nervousness makes my blood run cold and I feel lightheaded. Is that what is stopping me? Stopping me from saying the words I've been wanting to say? Or is it the feeling of possible reject? How does she feel about me? I see the way she looks at me. It's no different from the way she looks at her other friends. Isn't it?  
  
The ground is completely covered with snow. Every single inch of it. Covered with the icy white powder.  
  
So am I only a friend in her eyes? Probably what I'll always be thought of. Would I rather tell her and have her feel uncomfortable around me, or would I rather keep quiet and go through the painstaking feeling of not knowing what could have been?   
  
I want to hold her. Feel her warm breath on my neck. Feel her heart beat gently. And whisper my true feelings to her. So much riding on these words. A friendship. A feel of trust and comfortability around each other. My heart has never experienced such.. complex emotions. Emotions that continuously taunt me. That urge me to walk up to her and say that I love her. But it'll never be that easy. Never.   
  
I can hear the wind whistling. Whistling outside my window.   
The snowflakes falling. Falling with grace and beauty. Though, never to be compared to the beauty of her.  
  
Her short, auburn hair as soft as silk. Her elegant emerald eyes, filled with never-ending joy. Her light peach-toned skin. Her sweet voice that echoes in my head. The definition of beauty.  
  
Feelings. Haunting feelings that repeat over and over to me that she won't be there forever. That I must act fast before it's too late. That I must express how much I love her and how much she means to be before something happens and I can't. I don't even want to think of what I'll do if I someday won't be able to see her again. If someday I won't be able to wrap my arms around her and embrace her for eternity. This not knowing what to do is unbearable. I have just never felt like this before. I've been by myself for my entire life. It'll probably stay like that, too. She's just so.. different. Different from the thousands of other girls out there. They don't make my heart beat like crazy. They don't cause stabbing feelings inside of me. Sakura does. I don't understand how she does it, but she does. And she doesn't even know it.   
  
The winds have calmed down. Changing it's violent howls into an easy breeze.  
  
Simplicity. Exactly the opposite of my feelings. When others she Sakura, they mainly just see a girl. In my eyes, I see the one my heart has chosen. The one in which I will do anything to protect. I don't ignore my feelings. Though I have tried. Have tried to say that they do not exist. That they are just the result of my mind playing games with me. That I do not have the painful feelings I do about her. That I do not love her.   
  
The snow has decreased its numbers. The skies becoming more clear.  
  
Sakura. How do you do it? How? How can you make my head dizzy and my voice stop working with just a smile? Could these feelings just be because of my gullibility? That something or someone has somehow convinced me that I have feelings for her? Is this all a lie? But, how can a lie cause so much agony? Why can't I just stop making up excuses for my emotions and face the reality? The reality I'm too afraid to see.  
  
Never has such sensations entered my heart. Sensations that burn and make my heart feel as if someone has taken hold of it and twisted it.   
  
The humid air fogs up the window, making it unable to see through. Clouding up the transparentness.  
  
How? How could I ever think she'd love someone like me? I picture her in my head. Memories of the past appear. From the first day we met.. to today ... she's thought of me as nothing more than.. a friend. When I first caught a glimpse of her face, staring into her eyes from the front of the classroom... I never knew that.. this girl, this girl shuddering in fear while I watched her, would be the cause of the everlasting wounds in my heart. We were never really rivals. Although, I acted a lot like it. Torturing her, insulting her, giving her angry glares. Do I regret it? Do I regret making her cry? Do I regret the way I treated her? Amazingly... no, I don't.  
  
Light shines into my dark room. Where I sit, alone and silent. Light from the moon, peering in from a small crack in the window.  
  
If I hadn't said the things I did in the past, would she still be the determined, strong, and independent person she is today? Do I feel as if my words somehow inspired her? I don't know. The same answer I have to all my other questions.  
  
I don't know.  
  
I punish myself when I run away from her. Right when I finally have enough nerve to stand in front of her and try to say I love her, I turn around and run. The future is unknown. But I must face it. Good or bad. And if I want even the slightest chance of her being in mine, I have to tell her. I can't let my mind go blank when I encounter her. I can't let my mouth dry up and my face start to burn.  
  
The window clears up. Revealing the dark night sky, peaceful stars hanging upon it, glistening like perfectly cut diamonds. The snow lays upon the ground. The breeze slows down.  
  
I battle with these feelings. The thought of winning and victory in my mind. How senseless of me. Thinking that if I ignore and neglect feelings that are so strong that they keep me awake at night, they'll suddenly disappear, never to return. Yet, I continue to fight them. Day and night. Night and day. Continuously. But one thing I've learned from all this fighting...  
  
I've lost.  
  
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Ok! n_n Please R&R and tell me if you liked it! And remember, I'm taking requests so feel free to ask! Also, criticism is fine because it tells me what I need to work on. But, don't be *too* mean...;_;  
  
  
- Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha - 


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